there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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