i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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