Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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