her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
