found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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