apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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