ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
