i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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