so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
