I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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