so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
