All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
