I am midnight drunk by noon
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
