you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
