Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
