Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
