So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish they made helmets for livers.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
True strength comes from lack of pants
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
