he thought i was a dude.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
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My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You can't just leave with hair like that
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I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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