I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
