Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
