Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
