I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
