it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
honey bunches of taint.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
