So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
