the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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