We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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