Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
