Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
