Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
