How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
