sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
