I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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