True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
zippers are such a cool invention
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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