just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
