you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
