I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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