yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
