This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
