Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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