yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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