hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
