oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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