I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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