Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
