She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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