You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
