He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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