just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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