i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize