Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
