I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
