Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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