then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
