You're so nebulous sometimes
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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