In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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