I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
