hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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