It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
