This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
my liver is dry heaving
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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