There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
