yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
