Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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