things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
