i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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