I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
