shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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