you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
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So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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