I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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