Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize