Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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