I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
