How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
tell me about the eggs
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
