I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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