Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
