I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
