you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
